A MAN, A HUSBAND, A FATHER

I want to reflect with you on a scene in the Gospel of Matthew.  It speaks to the character of Joseph, a man, a husband, and the foster father of the Savior.  It is also a profound insight into the intimacy of marriage:

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was
betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child
through the Holy Spirit.  Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man,
yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly.
Such was his intention when behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him
in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary
your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has
been conceived in her.  She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus
because he will save his people from their sins.”  All this took place to fulfill
what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall be with
child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means
“God is with us.”  When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. Matthew 1:18-25

One can imagine Joseph’s grief as Mary shares with him that she is pregnant.  Without averting her gaze from his, she tells him of the apparition of the angel.  She shares all that was disclosed to her, and her assent to all that was asked of her.  Her own body has informed her that she is now “with child.”  The clarity that was always in Mary’s eyes when she spoke with him – a clarity that drew him to love her – was still there, somehow more deeply penetrated by his gaze than ever before.  Yet as he faced her and listened to her words, only one fact flings itself back and forth, wildly in his mind:  the child, he knows, is not his.  The grief of this is unbearable.  Yet it is without anger, bitterness, or rancor.  Joseph was a “just” man.  The only solution he could comprehend was to distance himself from the pain.  He would separate from her quietly.

The night after, an angel penetrates his troubled sleep.  The apparition confirms two points:  this child is miraculously “generated of God,” and he is to be named, “Jesus.”  There is no way that Joseph can even begin to comprehend the meaning of “Son of the Most High,” nor can he fathom the salvation this child will be from the bondage of sin that plagues his ancient race.  But the Truth, now confirmed by the angel, sets him free! (John 8:32)   The pain at the loss of a child “of my own,” is released and falls away.  He rises and hastens to find Mary – not to take a pregnant woman into his home, not to take a fatherless child into his care, but to take custody of Mary’s faith.  He finds himself aware again of what he has always known:  her faith is pure.  Why is it shocking to him that Mary’s faith should be fertile – as fertile is his own?   Taking custody of her faith in God, he can now penetrate the depth of her faith in him – her husband..  He offers his assent and becomes spouse to her faith.  Looking into his eyes, she returns the assent and completes the vow, taking custody of his faith in God.  In this, they become spouse to each other, parent to their child, and suitable partners to the joys and sorrows of the vocation God has given them. 

Between Joseph and Mary, Marriage is redefined for every Christian from that day forward: 

“I will take custody of your faith in God.  I will become partner to all that your faith will ask of you.  We will become one in the only thing that can fill this life and that will endure into the next.”

The depth of human intimacy with another is always found in God

Fr. Jim Chelich
St. Thomas the Apostle Parish
Grand Rapids, MI 49506