Healing and Hope Session 5, talk 1

Session 5, Talk 1: Next Steps in the Process of Healing

Dan Stokman, Novare Counseling

Talk Outline

I. Slow down and situate ourselves

A. Personal story
B. Importance of emotional honesty

1. Self
2. Others
3. God

C. God wants to meet us where we are at
D. Is there a deeper need for healing?
E. Discover, name and feel things more deeply
F. Deeper desire for healing; newness

1. “See I am doing something new! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive it? In the desert I make a way, in the wasteland, rivers.” – Isaiah 43:19
2. “The one who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ Then he said, ‘Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

G. God acts; we respond

1. How do we respond to this healing?

II. How do we travel into the work of deeper healing?

A. Curiosity, noticing and then becoming interested

1. Story: noticing daughter’s new interest in Christmas Jazz music

B. Understanding the Origin of Why we do what we do?

1. Can lead to self-compassion
2. Exploring the answer may require the
accompaniment of a therapist
3. Not for the purpose of blaming
4. Can be resistant to exploring the origins

C. We are not our wounds; we are not our
defenses/tourniquets

III. Defenses

A. Means to survive, but then become problems
B. We all have them
C. They disconnect us from reality, selves and others
D. Block healthy growth that wants to happen, to heal and to become who God created us to b

1. Story of the parasitical vine in the pine tree at first house

E. We can resist giving up defenses and cling to what is familiar

1. Doing so is vulnerable
2. Do not want to feel what is underneath

F. Types of Defenses

1. Intrapersonal- how I relate to self
2. Interpersonal – how I relate to others
– block closeness with others even when there is not a current threat in a relationship
– Road to Emmaus story: did not recognize due to own ideas
– Defenses can keep us blinded

G. Allowing another to walk with us allows for clearer vision

IV. Connection with others as companions

A. An engine around hope and desire to overcome the resistance
B. We have to do the work, but we can’t do it alone
C. A therapist can help with:

1. Healing the hurts of the past
2. Letting go of the unhealthy coping patterns
3. Healing trauma/wounds
4. Experiencing forgiveness of betrayal
5. Moving into a place of freedom where you
experience your true self

D. Entering into therapy can bring mixed emotions

1. Bad or mixed past experiences
2. Lowering our defenses

V. What to look for in a therapist: is it the right fit?

A. It is a relational process; drawing near and entering into the other’s suffering

1. To be with and for the person in the possibility of newness
2. Connect well; feel warmth and caring
3. Competence is important
– Based on your experience, not their letters after their name
4. Have Voice in Therapy

B. Agreement on goals
C. Agreement on method
D. Faith tradition of Therapists

VI. Materials on the Synod website (www.archspm.org/synod)

A. Therapists
B. Books and online resources